yes, it's a blog.

i have been so out of it as far as friends go and i'm sorry for that.
without even realizing it i have kinda fluttered away in my own little world.

this christmas could not have been better.. because... i have a new nephew!! i didn't know a baby could bring so much happiness. i love that little baby sooo much and he's not even mine!!

lately i have had a conflict with feeling like going to church is getting me judged and it's frustrating. i am trying to make something of myself. i am not sure how i'm doing but really i promise i am trying. church it's something i'm trying to give another hard go at and so far it's been great. it's those times though when the little comments come out of peoples mouth about how "good" i am. it's not that. i am not trying to be the "better person" or the one that is more holy than the next. i go to church because i feel apart of something. it makes me feel like maybe i do have a purpose.

i guess this is another one of my many rambling blogs.

i'm going mamma mia on you all. haha.

i was just watching mamma mia.. and all though most of that movie is just super funny i feel like a nerd relating semi to it. (:

"sophie: i wanted to get married knowing who i am.
sky: you don't find that from finding your father, you find it by finding yourself."

oh and this part is just really funny!!

"you're not going to tell me you have a twin sister are you."

12 months time.

who can say in the last 12 months they have..

gone to disney, universal, and seaworld with twin.

written a letter to a guy with just a name..

got a call from such said guy..

found out such said guy was their dad.

started dating blank.

met sister and her twins, baby girl, and 14 yr old son.

went from training for manager at the grand old cinema to deciding to quit.

moved to enumclaw, wa with the breece's!

broke up with blank.

found out twister is having a baby.

turned 22.

found out twisters baby will be a boy.

the princess diaries.

yesterday i watched "princess diaries" 1&2.

everything about those movies makes me feel like i have the ability to be a princess too.

i remember when lee took mary and i to see princess diaries 1 and when we were leaving the theatre i thought for sure one day i would have a grandma come and tell me my dad was a prince.

corny right?

i still feel like someone has failed to tell me that i am princess too.

selah community day's oh how i will miss you.

it's may yet again which means time for the..
the hobo feed
the pancake feed
parade
little miss selah
the booths
the rides
the atmosphere
the first works
i will miss..
just all of you.

a night of slightly different sorts.

went to community with bryn tonight and i didn't feel like getting up and leaving like i normally do at church things.

tonight was actually good.
if you know me you know if given a true option i will not be one to take part in communion..
but tonight was different.
i took communion.
not only that but i found myself listening to everything that was being said.

encouragement.
and knowing when your heart is being hardened.
redemption.
the three things that stuck out to me.
tonight was just different.
i actually want to make a change. to be the encourager to my friends/ my family.
i realize i have made a hard shell around my heart tried to not allow much in.
i'm going to try to work on that.
jumping from thought to thought seems to be my deal tonight.
sorry to all those reading but it's what's on my mind.

just to let you all know however i want to try to be the encouraging friend, the one that's there for you no matter what. whether you are having a bad day for no reason or the whole world seems to have fallen on your shoulders.

am i not worth it?

should i still feel hurt, disappointed, upset?
do i have a right to?
i tried best i could to open up.
i know i tend to have a problem with letting people in but i sincerely thought that i was doing an at least ok job.
my trust has now been blown.
i let someone in and it's not enough.
my faith isn't strong enough.
i don't talk enough.
i'm not there enough.
i don't care enough.
:(

just a blog.

i am blogging for absolutely no reason.
today has not been amazing but that's okay because it's almost over ;)

sometimes i try to see if i really have a basis to be against certain people or upset with certain people. then they do something that reminds me that i think i really do. gah :( nights like tonight or days like today i wish didn't have to occur.

it's all okay. i can only say oh well and ignore it.

believe it or not i do realize how dry and dull my blogs are but i just am not sure how to word certain things. or how to express what's going on truly in my head.

one of the changes i was going to make this year was to be true to my emotions. to express what i want to and not hold back in certain ways. it may not make sense or sound ridiculous but to me it's sort of a big thing. and if i follow through with that change hah no doubt i will be letting out a lot by the time i go to bed. i'm dumb when i'm tired and flustered. thanks for reading i will stop the pain of such a pointless blog now.

it's a little late to be blogging.

it's almost midnight and i am fully exhausted yet i can't seem to want to go to bed.

i just got off work. after what i thought was going to be a tough night it was even thougher. i am going to be aching tomorrow or today?

my head is spinning. which could either be bad or good my thoughts are all over the place i'm such a nerd.. oh yes.

this is a dumb blog and i'm honestly (a word i seem to be using alot today along with douch) not sure why i'm writing it but i am.

i guess since i really don't have much to say at the moment other than i am completely and fully tired i can't sleep ;) strange i know i'm a tard.

night.