Sunday, July 12, 2009

ramble much??

what is it to love??
just in general..
not the romantic relationship love but the other kind.
you know when you are saying good-bye to your parent and you say love you.
or you are saying to a friend love ya.
or any other case..
i really struggle with this..
i'm not sure why..
but it is really hard for me to grasp someone actually honestly loving me or missing me or anything of that sort.
it's easy for me honestly and full heartily say i love you and mean it fully.
but in return it's hard for me to accept someone saying it to me without doubting it way more than believing it.
i hate it but it's who i am and how i feel.
i can't be the only one that struggles with this. i want to be able to believe it when someone says i miss you or we miss you or i love ya or we love you. but sometimes it almost hurts to hear it because i think it's just being said in return to me saying it or something.
that might be part of my struggle with church too. i hate it when i am told god love you he is there for you because that for me is not something i can grasp it's to out there for me.
sorry this is such a ramble of a blog but hey almost all my blogs are right??