really...i mean... REALLY.

i think that really say's it all.

ramble much??

what is it to love??

just in general..

not the romantic relationship love but the other kind.

you know when you are saying good-bye to your parent and you say love you.

or you are saying to a friend love ya.

or any other case..

i really struggle with this..

i'm not sure why..

but it is really hard for me to grasp someone actually honestly loving me or missing me or anything of that sort.

it's easy for me honestly and full heartily say i love you and mean it fully.

but in return it's hard for me to accept someone saying it to me without doubting it way more than believing it.

i hate it but it's who i am and how i feel.

i can't be the only one that struggles with this. i want to be able to believe it when someone says i miss you or we miss you or i love ya or we love you. but sometimes it almost hurts to hear it because i think it's just being said in return to me saying it or something.

that might be part of my struggle with church too. i hate it when i am told god love you he is there for you because that for me is not something i can grasp it's to out there for me.

sorry this is such a ramble of a blog but hey almost all my blogs are right??

don't worry about a thing 'cause every little thing gonna be alright.

if i am obsessed with bob marley so much tell my why i don't have even one song of his??

(don't get me wrong i listen to his stuff online i just don't own anything of his.)

bob marley has the greatest lyrics and quotes ever!

what do you think should i become a stoner and move to jamaica.. doesn't really sound so bad if you think about it those people are pretty sweet stuff. and deep down i am probably one big hippy.

hah.

anyways i have decided i'm just going to go with the flow whatever comes my way or doesn't i don't really care at the moment. when i did care and worried i was so unwilling to make a change it was no good. soooo i'm gonna "not worry 'bout a thing 'cause every little thing gonna be alright"

geez i can't end this just yet i have to say some more of his quotes that are pretty mega amazing.. and that just make my obsession with bob marley so great hahaaaa...

• "just can't live that negative way, make way for the positive day"
• "life is just one big road with lots of signs. so when you're riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. flee from hate, mischief, and jealousy. don't bury your thoughts put your vision to reality. wake up and live!"
• hah "bob marley isn't my name i don't even know my name yet"
• "one good thing about music..when it hits you-you feel no pain"
• "people want to listen to a message, word from jah. this could be passed through me or anybody. i am not a leader. messenger. the words of the songs, not the person, is what attracts people."
  

gasping for air if that makes sense..

it might sound strange but to me it's the best way i can explain it.

i'm trying to reach for something more but yet i feel like i'm so far away.

i'm struggling and it's my own fault. it's crap.

i am however in the struggle to breath and reach to the top for something more finding or realizing things i should have a long time ago.

sometimes when you think you are close to someone you really aren't you are just someone they once changed...and maybe that's all.. who really knows.

a job is a waste of time unless you like it. for instance i hate my job and everyday i feel as though i am just wasting my time on nothing. it's not taking me anywhere in life.

in the place i once felt so happy and truly unexplainable i now find myself struggling to stay put for just a couple hours and shaking with nerves walking in the door.

what is it truly that leaves me with this feeling like i am unable to reach the top to gasp for air??

so we had an idea..

Mare and I have always laughed at this picture and we decided that it would be funny to re-create it..

so here is the best we could do..

haha it isn't so great but heh at least we gave it a shot... we're actually not sure who is who in the photo we think we may have done it wrong.. but oh well.

while looking for that picture i came across some others...

i love this picture i totally remember taking it at minga's cabin in colville... that's where mary got stung by her first bee and now screams if one comes anywhere near her.. i love that place!
sooo this is like one of the closest thing we have to knowing what our "maybe dad" might look like... bobbie jean is his "for sure" daughter (the red head on the right)
i love that we are almost the friggin size of missy and she was about 9 yrs. old.

this picture makes me laugh. if you know me you know i have weird scare right under my bottom lip where my teeth went through ( in becki's words i'm "like indiana jones"). well this picture was taken right after i fell. hah i have never seen it before and ya it's pretty funny.

rose.

who am i?

who am i living for?

how would someone describe rose's life??

if i was looking at my life as an outsider what would i think??

trying to think about my own life i don't think great things.

this blog is not to be a downer i don't want it to be at all.

i am simply wondering how do i show myself.

am i to out there for the world or do i keep people guessing?

am i dramatic or the exact opposite?

compared to my sister or to my family who am i?

do i come across as an amazing christian or someone who is utterly lost??

just curious. this is a blog i would love your input on..