Just a thought..

water bed and nightmares!

I have officially had the strangest dream ever. It was so strange!

I have been sleeping on Brooke's water bed which is a very weird thing and I never want to sleep on a water bed again! Okay anyways last night I had the freakiest dream. For some reason that I had no knowledge of I some how lost both my legs like hacked off. But right away I had fake legs that made of wire and rods. I was in panic mode until weekend came and I was in Enumclaw for who knows why. When I got there I was walking around town when I saw Katie and I blurted out "Katie I have NO legs.. well they are FAKE" and she was kinda like "uh what??" I said feel them and she grabbed my leg but my jeans were still covering it and it tickled like no other. So so strange! Then I decided I was going to go find Iraq vets in town that had lost and I went to legs to and give them comfort.. ha ha. So weird. I then continued to walk around town but wobbling because some how I was forgetting how to use my fake legs... but I was determined to find anyone and everyone and tell them I had no legs. Anyways I finally woke up and was totally surprised when I had legs. haaa haaa.

So my idea to why I had this nightmare is because of the lame water bed. When you lay your legs straight out it kinda feels like they are just floating or something so maybe it felt like they were gone??

But ya this is the end of my lame blog (:

pros vs. cons

Osta La Vista Yakima??

Pros:

• Need a change.
• College near by.
• Chance to grow up and seperate a little.
• Near Johnny.
• Better church.
• No need to text anymore haa.
• I will be with the people you always seem to steer me in the right direction if i listen.
• Just be possibly happier.

Cons:

• Leaving Iris, Ezra, and Taya..
• Minga will be upset.
• No money.
• Quiting a job I haven't had long.
• Leaving sisters
• Scared of moms reaction.

Add to it yes no?

just thinking.

off to work..

yeah..

maybe just overly tired.

man o man
i don't like thinking about life.
it's to complicated.


ahhh! idk even know but who does.
i know i'm missing something.
i know i need to change.
i know that i am not going anywhere in life.

i get that. i really do.
can i just scream??
there are so many thoughts, and feelings boiling up inside me with no where to go.
i feel like at any minute i could just break and i don't even know why.
it's so stupid i can fix my life do something with it.
why am i holding back??
i don't want to.
or maybe i do and just don't realize it.
ugh.

wow this is one crapppppy little blog.

anyways.

i simply want a friend to be here.
right infront of me.
not over the internet.
not over the phone or texting.
i need to have a friend right in front of me.
i want to just talk.
not even about something major.
i just feel like i'm holding in a ton of nothing.
the kind of nothing you ramble on and on about to friends.
that has not importance.
maybe you have no idea.
haha want "you" am i talkin about no one reads this.
anyways.
night
(:

ramble ramble ramble

this is lame.

it hasn't been a week yet i want to give in.

my mom hasn't even tried to talk to me.

it kinda hurts to know she doesn't even bother.

does she seriously mean all she has been saying??

if she does i don't even know.

it stings to know she already is telling even people at work i'm a bad daughter and they like to go to the theatre and let me know.

lee even called to tell me.

i want to give to say sorry for whatever i did.

to say please please forgive.

to go back to the way it always is.

i'm not strong enough to put up with her games for long.

i understand no one cares about this that's totally fine to these are just my ramblings.

i don't know what has changed in my life.

i feel like i am missing more than just my mom.

much more.

this is stupid.

:

life is good right now for the outer stuff but the deeper stuff..

maybe it's not so great..

i have lost any kind of a relationship with my mom.

my high school friends have moved on.

which i totally don't blame i mean come on they went to college.

and church/faith/ anything of that sort..

is the last thing i seem to want to think about.

i tried and worked to grow in my faith.

i was loving it. but then it just ended.

i'm getting back to the same place i was junior year.

it's so weird. yeah idk.

like i said just ramblings.

time goes and you don't even notice.

anyways it's late so i am loggin off.