gasping for air if that makes sense..

it might sound strange but to me it's the best way i can explain it.

i'm trying to reach for something more but yet i feel like i'm so far away.

i'm struggling and it's my own fault. it's crap.

i am however in the struggle to breath and reach to the top for something more finding or realizing things i should have a long time ago.

sometimes when you think you are close to someone you really aren't you are just someone they once changed...and maybe that's all.. who really knows.

a job is a waste of time unless you like it. for instance i hate my job and everyday i feel as though i am just wasting my time on nothing. it's not taking me anywhere in life.

in the place i once felt so happy and truly unexplainable i now find myself struggling to stay put for just a couple hours and shaking with nerves walking in the door.

what is it truly that leaves me with this feeling like i am unable to reach the top to gasp for air??