anyways.

i simply want a friend to be here.
right infront of me.
not over the internet.
not over the phone or texting.
i need to have a friend right in front of me.
i want to just talk.
not even about something major.
i just feel like i'm holding in a ton of nothing.
the kind of nothing you ramble on and on about to friends.
that has not importance.
maybe you have no idea.
haha want "you" am i talkin about no one reads this.
anyways.
night
(:

ramble ramble ramble

this is lame.

it hasn't been a week yet i want to give in.

my mom hasn't even tried to talk to me.

it kinda hurts to know she doesn't even bother.

does she seriously mean all she has been saying??

if she does i don't even know.

it stings to know she already is telling even people at work i'm a bad daughter and they like to go to the theatre and let me know.

lee even called to tell me.

i want to give to say sorry for whatever i did.

to say please please forgive.

to go back to the way it always is.

i'm not strong enough to put up with her games for long.

i understand no one cares about this that's totally fine to these are just my ramblings.

i don't know what has changed in my life.

i feel like i am missing more than just my mom.

much more.

this is stupid.

:

life is good right now for the outer stuff but the deeper stuff..

maybe it's not so great..

i have lost any kind of a relationship with my mom.

my high school friends have moved on.

which i totally don't blame i mean come on they went to college.

and church/faith/ anything of that sort..

is the last thing i seem to want to think about.

i tried and worked to grow in my faith.

i was loving it. but then it just ended.

i'm getting back to the same place i was junior year.

it's so weird. yeah idk.

like i said just ramblings.

time goes and you don't even notice.

anyways it's late so i am loggin off.

what a prick.

okay this is just super ridiculous.

i have been talking to this one guy (colby davis the twin..)

anyways he texted me like the day before yesterday saying..

"hey we need to go to a movie or something"

i said "yeah that sounds good"

we just needed to figure out a time. he worked the last two days and i worked tonight.

anyways so we've just been talking and what not.

he was being super sweet too.

but then tonight the friggin' genius to the theatre..

with some other CHICK!

what a fat loseeeeeeer!

that totally pissed me off.

you don't ask a girl out one night.. then turn around and take another girl to the theatre you work at when your working...

and it gets even better..

he decides to stand in my line i was already helping someone and the other girl wasn't but he decides to wait for me to help him and the girl he was with!

what a retard.

glad i found out he was a friggin' player before actually went to a show or anything.

gayyy face.

i wish i was the confronting type.

happy.

today has been so good.
no reason why i am just happy.
is actually warm out!
i'm super excited about that!!!

i have the day off. no plans but that's alright!

it's just a great day!

things for some reason just couldn't be better.

is spring actually finally maybe coming??

guess we'll see!!

i love having days where your happy for just no reason at all you just are.

(:

breakkk time!

i have decided it's break time from the mom.
can't deal with all her little problems anymore.

i should have decided this along time ago but i just don't think i was actually ready.
anyways i am determined to just stay away from all her little drama and problems.
it's too much and it only brings me way down.

i have only not talked to her by choice for two days and i feel so happy.
it's weird i have gone longer without talking to her but not really by choice so it only upset me.

this may not last long but i hope it does.
chances are i will give in even though i know i shouldn't but so far so good.

things are going goooood! i am so happy for that. i love my mom but i don't love her actions.
it's going to be super tough once she starts trying to contact me.
i'm nervous that i am going to run into her somewhere i don't know what i would do.
all the talking about me to other people is just to much.
i need a break. it's that simple. this might seem extremely conceded but it's what i have decided to do so no talking if i can help it.


maybe i should run far far away ha ha then there would be no conflict!

next step who knows..

Oh my goodness. I have no idea what next step in life I should take. I woah idk. I guess there really isn't too many options but that doesn't make it any easier..

I know I would love to go to college. Cost is one issue but if I really tried I know without a doubt I could have enough money to take a couple classes... the next issue is where YVCC?? hmm.

Should I not go to college and just keep working at the crappy cinema?? This is the last thing I would like to do.. but either way college or no college I will need a job but I don't like the cinema at all.

What about quiting the cinema and finding a job I actually someone can stand?? I want to work with kids so badly but day cares sound like they might be a little hard to actually get a job with.. but anything without popcorn sounds good at the moment wait no fabric either thanks.

My mind also goes to missions the thing is that is never going to put me further in life and I am not near as open about that stuff anymore so not too sure. Maybe the New York internship?? I have a friend that just got done with hers and she loved it but now she is home without a job or school and I know that is exactly where I would be so herm thinking about this I doubt this option is for me.

Anyways ramble ramble ramble. Thanks for listening...

courtroom with a little pain.. haha.

so today started out pretty good. ming and i were goin to go see marley and me and not plan anything else but just stayin home. but that ended up not working out. but it worked out semi good because missy wanted someone to go to court with her to try and bring the price of ther ticket down. anyways we got to the courtroom two minutes early in the process missing "role call" like we are in first grade or something so we had to sit and listen to all the cases some of which were really funny and you couldn't help but laugh. so yeah we were the last called after two and a half hours or so of waiting lameness. we were suppose to be called like only a half hour after waiting. missy's ticket went from almost 700 to just 125.
after all that missy wanted to go see mary get her tattoo done. yuck. i wanted to get sick the idea of stabbing a needle into your body is kinda gross. haha and mare was getting a tattoo on her stomach fixed which is a horrible thing because we are both way overly ticklish haha and she tends to cry not laugh even if you are just touching her stomach so there she lay not crying because it's hurting but crying because it tickles it was pretty funny. i haven't seen the finished tattoo because missy and i went to go get the kids. but yeah it was lookin pretty good. mary called and said she bled through her jeans kinda grosssss.

but yes that is my day. not much to it.
everything is going well for the most part minus my mom etc.
ohh but minga is like super sad which is no good so i have been trying to make her happy but it turns out i'm not very good at it... "oh well".